How To Date When You Need Your Space


Hello, Love the rebranding and “Womenology’ name Kristen. And the written aspect of your offerings is really well done since you completed the Training. Kudos. My question is how a never married 50 something woman with a decisive mind, independent nature, sole supported financially Capricorn moves forward with a divorced man that is available 24/7, tagged along with all of her personal passions and interests. It sounds too good to be true after online dating for in excess of 11 years. Why am I not enjoying it? Ahhhh.. is Capricorn’s need space & room to breathe. He even practices yoga and attends regularly. I have grit & he is kind, gentle and laid back. Thoughts?

Signed, Joined at the ‘hip’..


As a fifty-something never-married woman, you're allowed to prioritize your independence. You've been through it, you've dealt with the drama and back-and-forth, and you made peace with it. You like your life as is. You want someone, but don't need them. In my book, that's a win. You've gotten this far without having a partner, and you know you can continue to do so. This is one of the upsides of dating after 40. That grit you possess comes from enduring turbulence and coming out the other side. That's a great way to describe what it's like to try and find a relationship in the age of dating apps and online dating. Both methods come with their fair share of upheaval and frustration. It makes sense that a single man or single woman experience those ups and downs and finally gets to a point where they decide if it happens, it happens. If it doesn't, I'll be just fine. You don't feel compelled to be in a relationship, and that's okay.


That said, you want to be sure that your desire for breathing room comes from a healthy place, and not one motivated by fear of intimacy. That's why I wouldn't advise you to break things off or in any way distance yourself from this man before you perform the appropriate introspection. Is it that you don't trust how easy this relationship has been? I get that. It's hard to relax when every previous experience you've had knocked the wind out of you. The thing to remember is that waiting for the other shoe to drop makes it hard to be present in the moment. As scary as it might be for you, if you're worried about letting go only to fall on your face, you won't be present as the relationship unfolds. You'll miss all the good stuff.


Now, if your concern is simply rooted in your desire to maintain your independence, then the solution here is simple. All you need to do is communicate to this man what your boundaries are: you value your space and, while you really enjoy his company and are excited to see where the relationship goes, you need your me-time if this relationship is going to not just survive, but thrive. The thing to make crystal clear is that you're not trying to preserve your swinging single girl lifestyle, but rather maintain your identity and independence.

If he needs to date a woman who wants to be joined at the hip, then you're not the woman for him. The key here is to let him make that decision. Don't try and make it for him.


Hope that helps.

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